the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
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You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
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If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Naked. naked and bneed help.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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