You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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