I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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