New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
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My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
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Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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