nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
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not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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