I CAN MOONWALK!
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
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I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
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Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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