i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
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Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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