I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
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I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
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Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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