if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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