i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
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This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
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I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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