Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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