remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize