Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i need some magic done to my vagina
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize