Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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