i always forget guys have bellybuttons
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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