I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
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I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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