I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
too bad you live with your parents still
Do vagina's smell?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
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