Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
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I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
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GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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