Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
