I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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