There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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