i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
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One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
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I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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