erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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