I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
false alarm. still invincible.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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