Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Soap is not a condiment
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize