We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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