omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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