Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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