My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
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Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
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I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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