i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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