Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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