Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The struggles of a small town man whore
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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