so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
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I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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