yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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