and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
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Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
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btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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