I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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