Why are handjobs necessary in class?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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