4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
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he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
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There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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