I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
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He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
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I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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