I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I would fuck him just for his dog
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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