she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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