It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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