You work out of a Hotel?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
