Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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