Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
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Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
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Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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