Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
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He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
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I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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