i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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