Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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