Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
just tell him i said nine months
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize