Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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