you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
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theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
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So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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