What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
it was like his penis was on wheels.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
