The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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